I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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