And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
We smell like vodka and hangover
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