He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
