Please, let me fuck your mom
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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