remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
