i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
