Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
