I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You made out with two different species that night
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
