I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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