We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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