apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
