You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
