so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
