I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
