i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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