Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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