I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
