At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
