i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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