took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
