Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
