i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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