he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
