New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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