the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Someone came in the potted fern
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
