In the future we'll all be gay
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
