well I can't set my house on fire every night
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
