OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
