so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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