His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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