Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
