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"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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