K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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