I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
