I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
