so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
