So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
