No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
