so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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