what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
