Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I wish you could order shots online.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
