3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
