dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
