dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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