I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
