so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I still have a little drunk in my system
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
