It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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