Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
