Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
