OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
