I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
