Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
