Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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