never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
