come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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