Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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