I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
