Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
