we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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