and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
