Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Randomize
