I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
