You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
