We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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