I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
